Bridezilla vs the Extreme Wedding
by MyNameIsJeffNImLost
Summary: "You only get married once, right? And this is meant to be really special, and plus it will make Chuck really happy. I should look into booking a private island for the ceremony." "I think I created a monster."


_Summary: _"You only get married once right, and this is meant to be really special, and plus it will make Chuck really happy. I should look into booking a private island for the ceremony." "I think I created a monster." – Sarah and Ellie, Chuck vs. the Bank of Evil, 4.17

Thanks to **Doc in Oz** for helping inspire this idea with a story review he wrote for "Castle vs. the Law of Averages." His ideas about rappelling bridesmaids and Casey's role in the wedding morphed into this story. Thanks again to Doc for (letting me sucker him into) giving me feedback on the draft. As tribute, I highly recommend his stories, "Sarah vs The Search Engine" and "Beckett vs The Fan Fiction".

Disclaimer: Nobody else owns anything here, so why would I?

_24 Mar 2011_

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**The BIG Day**

**15,000 feet above Necker Island, British Virgin Islands**

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Sarah fell backwards out of the Cessna 206, smiling as she gave a farewell salute to the pilot. She was about a minute early, because the plane was running low on fuel. Based in Puerto Rico, the pilot normally didn't fly skydivers out to the Virgin Islands. The winds were too strong, and the landing areas were too small. Sarah doubled his rate, signed the insurance waiver, and covered the extra fuel cost. Nothing was stopping her grand entrance. This was her wedding day, and she would enter the way she wanted. And it would make Chuck really happy.

Sarah spread out belly flat to slow her decent. The long dress helped to slow her even more, making up for her early departure. Fortunately, she had the dress maker who copied her bullet-holed selection use sturdy material. If necessary, she would pull the ripcord early. In fact, she had promised Chuck she would do just that. First, however, she needed to make sure everything was in place.

Event tracking from her heads-up display showed Baby Clara, the flower girl, was already halfway down the aisle. Devon said she'd be walking at seven months. Sarah didn't want to wait that long to get married. The compromise was a pre-programmed, self-steering, remote-controlled baby carriage. A flower petal release hatch was added to the rear. Sometimes it paid to have a nerd for a fiancé. They had to switch out the tires to ensure the carriage could drive through the sand. The necessary supplies were airdropped in yesterday morning. Chuck told her that they ran five test runs to make sure the effect was perfect. Ellie was overly concerned about safety, so Chuck offered her an emergency remote that would kill the motor if there was a problem. She still wasn't sure, but had long ago learned that the best way to get through this wedding to shut up and hang on.

With the flower girl in position, it was time for the bridesmaids. "Move it, Zondra!" Sarah yelled into her headset. "You better land before I do!"

Originally Zondra was going to rappel down a cliff face to join the wedding party. On location, they immediately realized a couple problems with that plan. First, the cliff face was not steep enough to cleanly rappel down. It would almost be easier to run down, if it weren't for the heels. Second, the cliff was a little too far from the wedding spot on the beach. If they moved the wedding spot, the ceremony would be shadowed. High tide prevent the wedding time from being moved to when the sun was in better position. Zondra suggested a four wheeler to cover the distance, but Sarah didn't want the engine to drown out the processional song. Zondra's next suggestion was an even noisier helicopter, but that would also blow away the flowers, and maybe a few guests.

Morgan came up with the final solution… sort of. He suggested gliding in with a Batman cape. He was disappointed to find out such a thing did not really exist. However, his fictional suggestion led to the hang glider plan. So far, it looked like her 'by air' approach was working perfectly. Zondra would be touching down any second, leaving two of Casey's Marine buddies to pull the glider out of the way for Carina's entrance.

"Where the hell are you, Carina? You better not be doing the deck boy!"

"Been there. Done that. I'm already on my way!"

Carina's entrance was 'by sea', more specifically, Jet Ski. She had been shamelessly flirting with the yacht captain all morning, and Sarah had no doubt she had already 'done' the man she had nicknamed 'deck boy'. Fortunately, she got that out of the way before the ceremony. Carina was a few seconds late, but was easily making up the distance with more speed. Sarah knew she should be pissed that Carina was late do to her extracurricular activities. However the truth was Sarah was just happy Carina was wearing her bridesmaid dress and not the bikini she had begged to wear. Reminding Carina the dress would be wet (and possibly see-through) was the argument that finally won her over. Sarah still wouldn't be surprised if the bikini made an appearance during the reception.

Sarah tilted forward for a few seconds of accelerated dive before leaning back and pulling on the ripcord.

Ellie was the last one to walk in. Her approach was 'by land.' Ellie was enormously thankful she wasn't expected to provide some extreme entrance. Not only was she frightened at the thought, but she wanted to keep a closer eye on what she called the 'flower girl death trap'.

A couple days ago, Sarah pulled Ellie aside to explain the reality of it all. Zondra and Carina, being the extreme action spies that they were, needed excitement to ensure they would pass on some potential last minute, exotic spy mission in the Riviera to come to the wedding. Sarah refused to be upstaged by a rappelling/hang gliding or a Jet Skiing bridesmaids, so she opted for the parachuting approach. Plus it was fun, and it would make Chuck really happy.

Originally, the groomsmen were going to have extreme entrances as well. There were some logistical problems, however. While Ellie might get along better with the more mature, "manager" Morgan, she didn't want to be paired with him. Morgan wasn't up to rappelling, and everyone knew better than to put him on the back of a Jet Ski with Carina. Casey with Carina would have been worse. He'd end up hand-cuffed to the Jet Ski before he could join the wedding party at the front. When Ellie heard Carina's reputation, she wanted her naïve husband nowhere near him. Casey and Devon were both equipped for rappelling, but without a partner for Carina, there wasn't a point. So instead, all of the men waited at the front, while the women arrived in style.

Chuck was sweet and offered to jump out of the plane with Sarah. After some questioning, Sarah got him to admit his first skydiving experience had not gone so well. What kind of idiot would leave parachute landing out of the Intersect? She was going to have a serious talk with Beckman after the honeymoon. Her husband needed to be protected better from airplanes about to explode mid-air.

For the wedding, Sarah was actually happier jumping by herself. Yes, she knew Chuck was a spy, but that didn't prevent her from worrying. Having Chuck safely on the ground waiting for her was better for her wedding day stress levels.

The wedding ceremony setup was just coming into view. One hundred dozen Casablanca lilies seemed excessive to Ellie at first. Maybe it was. But from this altitude it really helped emphasize and mark the landing area.

Further up the beach, Sarah thought she could make out the reception area. Ellie had nixed the ice sculpture idea, her one win. Considering the heat of the island, it was probably for the best. Morgan confirmed the hazelnut cream cake delivery from Paris, just as Sarah was taking off. Big Mike had been drafted into guarding the buffet and cake this morning. To most people, this seemed like a bad idea. However, Sarah promised him that if he completed his assignment, he would get triple servings of cake and as much buffet leftovers as he could want. If he didn't complete his assignment, Morgan would be able to move back in with his mom because Big Mike wouldn't be making any cat sounds for the foreseeable future. Big Mike understood the full gravity of the task and completed it without hesitation. A Subway foot-long, which Chuck had packed in a cooler before boating in from Saint John, helped keep the big man honest.

With the Manager, the Assistant Manager, the Lieutenant Assistant Manager, and the head of the Nerd Herd all in the Caribbean, they almost decided to close the Buy More. Last minute, the Ricky and Vicky Gretas came through and volunteered to cover the store for a week. They said it was sort of a "thank-you-for-covering-our-asses-so-we-didn't-accidently-blow-up-LA" gift. Sure, the Buy More patrons might be freaked out a little by the increased competence at the store. Unlike last time, only two employees would be over-efficient, so the cover should be safe. As a bonus, maybe they would beat the Large Mart in electronics sales for once.

Two Gretas were not really enough to ensure the safety of the Buy More for a week. That could only be done by inviting Jeff and Lester to the wedding. Despite the remote location, Chuck was convinced they would find a way to crash the wedding, so it would be safer to just invite them. Morgan overheard them talking about using FedEx to save money on travel. Jeff was concerned about the lack of in-flight booze, but Lester said the key was ensuring they were unconscious for the entire trip, making in-flight alcohol unnecessary. Unfortunately, the miscreants successfully arrived.

Jeff and Lester insisted that Jeffster! provide entertainment for the reception. Sarah had fond memories of the day Chuck told her he was her best friend, so she was not completely against the idea. When reviewing the music list, a couple problems were revealed. First, Jeffster! had creative issues with the playlist. Chuck and Sarah refused to back down on most of the songs. The other problem was Jeff and Lester realized they had never performed that many songs in a single set. In the past, they had been paid off, insulted, arrested, or drenched by sprinklers before they could play more than a song or two.

The compromise was they would be allowed to play one song of their choice, after the traditional dances but before Chuck and Sarah left. Then they could play up to three songs after they bride and groom left for their honeymoon (when the wedding guests would be too drunk to care). Chuck figured Jeff would be too drunk by that time as well. The over-under for the number of Jeffster! songs at the reception was one and a half.

There still was the issue of Jeff and Lester's potential behavior at the wedding and reception. To address the issue, Morgan called a pre-wedding summit in the Buy More break-room. Morgan, Jeff, Lester, Sarah, and Casey were all in attendance. Chuck had been left out because the morons would look to him for protection.

First, Casey was put in charge of their activities. He didn't like the idea until he was told he would be off Buy More property and would be allowed to use "any and all means necessary." A few knuckle cracks later, Jeff and Lester seemed to be taking the threat a little more seriously.

However, they didn't seem completely convinced, which is when Sarah pulled a Greta. Her approach was a little bit different. Instead of getting in their face (because who would want to smell that), she calmly started pulling out her throwing knives and laying them on the table. She still had not said a word by the fifth knife, when she thought she picked up a new smell over the B.O. The meeting was quickly adjourned, and Lester was ordered by Morgan to get a mop.

Over the next few days, Sarah made a _point_ of stopping by to say hi to Chuck in front of Jeff and Lester. She always commented about how _sharp_ he looked in his Buy More tie as she adjusted it and gave him a kiss. When Lester passed out during the third time, she knew the message had sunk in. The next time, they didn't even bother to leer at her before running off. Mission accomplished. She wasn't stupid though. Their gift would still be opened inside the Castle decontamination unit.

With Jeffster! playing a limited number of songs, the rest of the music would be DJ'ed by Skip Johnson. He was very accommodating to the playlist. He was also quiet enough that they didn't have to worry about any stupid DJ games. Those would not make Chuck happy.

Sarah and Chuck had fun selecting the playlist. It consisted of their favorite songs from the "Introduction to Music" lessons he had been giving her. Each song was special to them as a couple. The only controversial choice was the first dance song. Chuck wanted Nina Simone's "Feeling Good". Sarah warned Chuck that if they played that song on the dance floor, she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of him. He didn't understand why that was a bad thing until she reminded him his sister was going to be there. The compromise was to create a special "Honeymoon Suite Playlist" that would start with "Feeling Good". The first dance song would be "3 Rounds and a Sound", this time without the interruption. Chuck was really happy with that choice.

Morgan volunteered to MC the other activities, like the cake cutting and the bouquet toss. Alex was disappointed he would be busy so much during the reception, but agreed it was the best way to keep Carina away, because her usual flirting would reach an even higher level after she knocked back a few.

Sarah thought she could just make out the man standing at the back… her father. The British Virgin Islands provided a safe place for the ceremony because he had no outstanding warrants here. Yes, leaving the country broke his parole. But considering he was technically on the run for some bogus charges about embezzling government money that was never the government's in the first place, who cared about parole violations. Yes, they had an extradition treaty with the US, but no one was going to arrest him here. First they would have to deal with the paperwork. Then they would have to deal with one pissed off, super-spy bride.

Even though she was upwind, Sarah could make out the end of the wedding party processional, Pink Floyd's "Dogs of War". Casey actually offered a song suggestion with Suppe's "Light Calvary Overture", but Sarah let the girls have their pick. That's what the guys get for standing around and not making a grand entrance.

Sarah's song was starting next: "The Ride of the Valkyries". It wasn't Wagner's "Bridal March", but it was still Wagner.

Beckman and Roan sat in the back row. The general wasn't going to come until she heard Roan had accepted. She pulled rank and invited herself to the rehearsal dinner. That made her regret coming at all, as Roan spent most of the evening flirting with the caterer. All seemed to be forgiven this morning, when Zondra caught Diane sneaking out of Roan's bedroom. With tonight's open bar, Diane was going to have her hands full-maybe in more ways than one.

Sarah smiled as she saw Chuck up at the front. To his left stood Best Man Morgan and "Captain Groomsman Devon" (as Chuck and Morgan had started calling him). Casey stood even with the middle of the aisle, behind Chuck. A recent change led to Casey serving double duty as groomsman and minister. Sarah was glad her dad showed, or he would have been pulling triple duty by giving her away.

The original justice of the peace backed out last night. Chuck warned Sarah he was freaking out hearing about the extreme entrances. After Carina discovered he was not a minister, she started hitting on him. He was really uncomfortable with it because he was married with a baby on the way. The final straw was the impromptu security meeting called by the Colonel. The discussion about acceptable and unacceptable weaponry pushed him over the edge. Sarah decided they were better off without him. She didn't need to be married by a wuss.

After the justice of the peace took a boat off the island, Roan offered his services. He was ordained for a mission almost twenty-five years ago. Roan was fairly drunk at the time, so Chuck was concerned about whether or not he would be vertical for the ceremony. Morgan came through in best man-form with the solution that prevented a Sarah Walker meltdown. He actually volunteered himself, but Chuck said he could not be both the officiator and the witness on the marriage certificate. So Morgan pulled up the web site and got Casey ordained as an Exalted Minister for the Internet Church of Mammals.

Casey was given a strict script to follow. Sarah made it very clear no adlibbing, à la Carina's fake engagement toast, would be permitted. Any grunting, snide mumbling, quips, or snickers while he was officiating the ceremony would result in slashed tires of the Vic. Repeated offenses would result in more serious punishments: disappearing weapons from the armory, poisoning of the bonsais, donating in his name to the Democratic Party, and wallpapering his bedroom with hammers and sickles. Surprisingly, Casey took offense at the idea that he wouldn't take his role seriously.

Of course at the reception, all bets would be off. Sarah figured if he pulled off the ceremony without a hitch, Casey should be allowed a little fun. Alex's mom had turned down the invite, not really understanding why she would be invited to the wedding her daughter's boyfriend was best man at. Chuck had tried inviting Ilsa behind Casey's back, but she was deep undercover and unreachable. Sarah expected Casey would be getting pretty hammered tonight. Maybe he'd finally wake up hand-cuffed _with _Carina for a change.

With Casey in the middle, the wedding party was unbalanced at the front, but Sarah was not _that _OCD to care. After all, they would still be balanced in the pictures, which would make Chuck really happy.

After a picture perfect landing, Sarah quickly detached her white parachute pack, and removed her headset, leaving her equipment on the sand. Chuck once told her he would daydream a wind effect on her hair whenever she entered the Buy More. Today, he got it for real. With a deep breath, she took the bouquet that was waiting for her and linked her father's arm with hers. "Wow! That was an entrance," he said. "You look beautiful, Angel," he added with a kiss to her cheek.

Sarah smiled and looked towards her future husband, waiting for her at the end of the aisle. She had travelled 15,000 feet to get here. Actually, she had travelled much further than that. Sarah saw the huge grin on Chuck's face, and couldn't help but reflect it right back. She was getting married! She was getting married to _**Chuck**_! And he looked really happy. No matter how the other wedding plans worked out, that was all that mattered.

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A/N: It's hard to find a private island with a cliff near a beach. Pictures of Necker Island seemed close, but upon closer inspection, I saw the same practicality issues Sarah did.

I had an idea for a sequel called something like "Colonel Sugar Bear vs. the Military Precision of a Wedding Reception" or "Wedding Coordinator Ellie vs. the Magical Wedding". It would get into the unique security issues created by a wedding reception full of spies. (The regular people couldn't afford to come to a private island.) There would have been some hijinks, too. However, all of my ideas for the sequel were inferior to the original, so I've abandoned it. This story stands better on its own.


End file.
